Dealing with Annie Adderall
by Teinai
Summary: Annie had always had a problem with Adderall. It was a drug. She had been addicted. But it was in her past.  However, as things start to go downhill in her life, she reaches a crossroads. Will she choose correctly? Can Jeff save her? JW/AE
1. Chapter 1  Breaking Down

**Chapter 1: Breaking Down**

_All alone, he was always there, it seemed. And even on my own, he was always standing next to me._

These last few months had been harder on Annie than most people of the group.

Unrequited love. That was the hard part.

"Britta's marryin', Britta's marryin', Britta's marryin' Jeff'rey Win-ger!" had resounded in her head for days after Jeff and Britta had engaged in their little game of lies. And it really struck her. What would she have done if Jeff had married Britta?

Short answer? She would have died. Emotionally. Mentally. Physically.

_I think I'm breaking down again._

While some of the group saw her softly crying when Jeff proposed, what they didn't see was the hours of crying when she got home. The moments of still silence in which she pondered her mundane existence lasted what seemed to be an eternity. She was blank. No more smiles. No more bright eyes. Nothing. The world was grey. Blurred. Deep. Empty.

After a few hours under her covers, around 4:00 o'clock in the morning, she got up, removed her dowdy bedspread, lied back, and just sang. Sang hard. Long. And although the tears were gone, but her heart still ached.

"Never mind, Annie. You'll find someone like Jeff", she thought to herself, referencing Adele's iconic song, "But, it won't be him".

This idea made it even harder to breathe. So she switched the song. And found one that described exactly how she felt at that moment.

_All alone, even when I was a child._

She really was. All her entire life, she had been by herself. And while some people had called her "unhealthily obsessed" with the idea of finding someone to be with, she knew that in her heart of hearts, it was what she needed to feel happy, safe, and sane. Somebody to lean on. Someone to warm her covers at night. Somebody to love.

_All alone, on the edge of sleep. My old familiar friend comes down and sits next to me._

That friend, she knew, was a side to herself that she'd never be able to fully shake. She'd always be doubting herself. "Why don't you have someone? It's obvious Annie, you're not good enough. But, Annie, I know what would make you feel better," her inner demon had come out to play, "Aderall".

No. She couldn't go down that path again. But she had to admit, it was tempting. The downfall had been spectacular. She needed no-one. No friends, no family, just herself. In that state of mind that was enlightened. Intense. She had become hardcore, steely, and single-minded. A different person.

But it wasn't her. She had plans. Goals in life. Friends. She couldn't throw all that away, or could she? She had before.

"But, Annie. What is life without Jeff Winger?" asked her other self. And she realised that she had a point.

Annie sank into her bed, and thought. What was the next step? Would she ever get Jeff? Could she find someone different? And would different be better, or worse than her one true love?

Was there a way out, or would she slip back into her addiction? The thoughts scared her. Shaking her head, she threw the covers over herself and hugged her arms tight to her chest, and finally willed herself to sleep.

But not without a solitary lyric flitting across her consciousness.

_I think I'm breaking down._


	2. Chapter 2  The Sound of Letting Go

**Chapter 2 - The Sound of Letting Go**

8:00a.m.

Annie woke up, and her demon was gone. She felt better, like a cumbersome weight had been lifted off her chest. But, this was to be rationally expected. She knew only too well that the nights were always the worst.

She promptly got out of her bed, and strode haphazardly into the bathroom. She popped her iPod into the dock, and chose the first song that 'shuffle' randomly selected.

_This is the point of no return, 'cause this is where we crash and burn._

She washed her hair slowly and sensually, bopped her head and shaking her hips to the entrancing music.

_It's getting louder and louder, what we're gunna do. It's getting louder and louder, filling up the room._

Today was different. She was going to greet Jeff with a smile. And not be bitter, or selfish for that matter. Britta deserved love just as much as her. Who was she to deny Britta's happiness?

But, wait a second. She had forgotten something. It wasn't really her or Britta who were to blame. It was Jeff. Why couldn't he just choose already? Kissing Annie, and doing god-knows-what with Britta, what was his game?

Screw him. "I'll find someone better," she thought, "Screw Jeff and all his lies and mind games. This is new Annie. Annie Awesome. Yes. I am awesome!" she said, twirling her hands and fist-pumping, but then did a double-take, "Wait. Am I? I'm still thinking of him. That's not being awesome! That's being lame. Stop thinking about him, Annie. Think about trees. Trees are nice. Trees are used to make paper. And paper is used by... textbooks. And textbooks are used by lawyers. And Jeff is a lawyer. DAMNIT, ANNIE!"

She got out of the shower and started drying herself off, and whilst her hair was muffled by her fluffy yellow towel, she heard voices coming from outside the bathroom door. And one of them was definitely NOT Troy or Abed. But who?

_It's the sound of letting go._

After putting on underwear for the sake of propriety, she moved closely to the door, and overheard a deep, manly voice of cunning and wit, a voice that could have only been described by two words in the English language. Jeff. (Motherfucking.) Winger.

Annie stepped back, flabbergasted at two facts - that she was half-naked, and in extremely close proximity to Jeff. Not to mention the fact that she was feeling perturbed - Mr. Winger was taking up so much of her post-sleep shower-thinking time. Thinking time that she, Ms. Edison, had such dire need to utilise.

Whilst these conflicting thoughts flew through her sleep-muddled brain, Annie failed to notice a carelessly placed bar of soap on the shower floor, and slipped, crashing into the solid plate-glass shower door.

Bright red blood began flowing every which-way and oozed copiously from a newly-formed vicious gash on her upper arm, now pooling around her now badly bruised hips. Glass had also showered down on her during the fall, and it graced her head like a crown. It apparently had made some cuts on the side of her face, because the metallic tang of her own blood was creating a horrible taste in her mouth.

Before she could rouse her addled brain to pick herself up off the blood-stained tiles, the door burst open to reveal a shocked Jeff, and an interested Abed. "Annie, what happened?" Jeff asked, crouching near her and holding her head on either side with his hands. "I... umm. I fell. Slipped on a banana peel and went for a ride," she smiled, laughing giddily and slurring her words, "but it's okay. It's okay!" she proclaimed, trying to steady herself and stand up, but she winced as she put weight on her hips.

"Annie," Jeff stated in a steady tone, and looked deep into her eyes, "I need you to trust me. I think you've got a concussion, and you're in no shape to walk. I'm going to have to carry you."

Annie blushed at this suggestion, but she nodded.

_I can hear it, hear it, coming over us._

He gently helped her regain balance, wrapping her arms around his neck, and hoisting her up by grabbing her, with one arm holding her back, the other on her thighs. Annie knew she should have hated this, she knew she should have squirmed and begged for him to go find Troy, or someone equally as strong to help her. But she couldn't help feel safe in his arms, head against his chest, smelling the scent of old-spice body scrub still lingering on his skin, and listening to the rhythmic beating of his heart.

_I know you can hear it. It's the sound of letting go._

Then it all went black.


	3. Chapter 3 Say Something

**Chapter 3 – Say Something**

_Say something, I'm giving up on you._

Annie awoke in a pure white room, with a blot of brown clouding her vision. She quickly sat up, petrified, "Cataracts?!" After blinking a few times, however, her eyes focused and she realised that she was really peering at Abed, who was sitting at the end of her bed, looking at her quizzically.

"Ah. You're awake", he stated robotically, "Jeff went to get coffee", and then continued with an intense stare, which ended in, "I think he's in love with you".

Annie normally wouldn't be bothered by Abed's directness, and sometimes enjoyed his rational and logical thinking. But this was not a normal situation, and she really didn't want to make things worse than they really were. After all, if Abed knew her true feelings, he would probably tell everyone. Accidentally of course, but nonetheless; secrecy was all she had right now. Her private confidences and humiliations were her own cross to bear. She couldn't stand her feelings being the topic of group conversation. And Abed never could be trusted keep a secret. Thus, with a quizzical facial expression, she gestured to Abed with a dismissive flick of the wrist, and countered with, "What are you talking about Abed? Jeff loves no one but himself."

Abed looked down at the bed and contemplated her words, "That used to be true. He used to be like James Bond. Now he's become like every generic guy in love. Like that guy in 27 Dresses. And you're Katherine Heigl."

Abed continued, "You see, it all came together in my eyes when you passed out. Jeff walking you swiftly to his car. Jeff staying with you in the back seat, and giving me the keys to drive even though he usually can't stand the thought of me crashing into something. This made me happy, driving is fun, and I really wanted to get onto an open highway to re-enact Speed, but that's beside the point," he took a sip of water from a cup near Annie's bed, and went on, "I kind of lost track of you guys in the back for a while, but I do know that at one point, Jeff, stone-cold sullen Jeff, started crying while he held you. And not the way you hold a grandparent. Or a sibling. But, like a lover. And he started yelling. Trying to get you to wake up. It was unforgettable, raw and visceral," he stated, getting up and walking over to a bed-side generic hospital television. "So, naturally, I taped it."

He then brandished a slim-line onyx-black USB and plugged it into the side of the box and operated the device. What Annie witnessed was not at all what she

_I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you._

Jeff's strangled yells filled the now chilling room, "Annie. I love you. Please, please, please don't die. Seriously. I just, I didn't know how to tell you. I just couldn't. But I do. I really do love you. I just. I just. I can't. I… I, please, just please, live!"

Abed was watching her fixedly for her reaction, "Oh, just wait, it gets better," at which point, the tape became more desperate, "PLEASE ANNIE! Oh, god. Oh, god! ANNIE! I couldn't handle it if you died. I just couldn't. I need you. Please! Who else will be my moral compass? Make me feel like I can be a better man? PLEASE, ANNIE! NO!"

Abed pressed a button on the remote, and it stopped. Annie was stunned. Gobsmacked. Hot liquid was streaming down her face, and pooling at her chin. She was crying. It was just far too much to process. Too too much.

That Jeff said he loved her was amazing. She never thought he would admit it. I mean, granted, she had been dying. And she was unconscious. And concussions are a serious medical issue. But still, it was something. And yesterday she felt like she had nothing.

She needed to see him.

"Abed, could you please get Jeff for me?" she asked, smiling like she wasn't nervous. Because she wasn't. Definitely not. Annie? Nervous? Pfft. Though she couldn't stop the feeling of wanting to retrieve her words the second after she had uttered them.

Abed nodded, and gave her a knowing look, leaving her to her thoughts and her empty, lonely room. She had only just realized it was raining. The grey skies were bucketing down a torrent of water, with the droplets uniformly adhering to the already-made trickles streaming down her misted window.

A few minutes later, a handsome man appeared baring stunning red and pink roses. Her favourite.

"Milady", he pronounced as he sauntered into the room, a charming grin on his masquerading facade. "Milord", she proclaimed, sitting up in her bed and shifting over so he could sit next to her legs.

He handed her the bouquet, and she laid them to rest in her lap. He then proceeded to ever so lightly - avoiding the stitches on her arm, and hurting her bandaged hips - engulf her in a warm hug.

It was so unlike Jeff that Annie didn't know what to think. However, as fast as the hug had come, it ended, and within seconds he had untangled his arms.

_Anywhere, I would have followed you._

"So, how are you feeling?" he asked, eyeing her warily, "Actually okay?"

"I'm fine," she said so instinctively that she wasn't even sure whether she meant the words to come out.

"You don't look fine to me, Annie," Jeff said, looking deep into her big blue eyes with his own piercing stare, "And if we're both being honest, you haven't been fine for a while."

_Say something, I'm giving up on you._

Oh, so now Jeff Winger wants the truth? He could have easily just kept the conversation light, Annie thought, but clearly he didn't think he'd bitten off more than he could chew. Well, she thought, it was time for a reality check.

"You know what, Jeff?" she started, her teeth gritted, "You're right. I'm really not fine."

"And why is that?" he asked, seeming genuinely quizzical and perplexed.

_And I am feeling so small. It was over my head. I know nothing at all._

Her fingers twirling her hair and rubbing her chin, Annie responded sarcastically, "Let me see. Well, my grades are going down, my rent is too high, I don't have a steady job, I go to a COMMUNITY COLLEGE, most days I feel like my genius is rotting in my skull, I feel alone, I have a lingering need to leave and never come back, I don't have a boyfriend, or a fuck-buddy, or an anything! My family is six-thousand-fucking-miles away and don't want to see me, and some days, just some days, Jeff," she looked him, dead-set hysterical, "I would rather die than keep loving you!"

The petals of her roses were crushed in her hand, and tears were streaming down her heart-shaped face. Jeff gently took her hand in his, and, as if no other words could suffice, said, "I'm sorry."

They stood there for what seemed like an eternity. Hands locked in a soft, and yet seemingly vice-like embrace. Gazes matched.

_And I will stumble and fall. I'm still learning to love. Just starting to crawl._

She hated that she was the first to look away. Her fire was gone, and so, too, were the words she would never say. "Well, sorry doesn't change anything. It's just a phrase we use when there's nothing we can do," she mused. Sorry was beyond hopeless. Regretful. Remorseful. Penitent. And with it was all the sadness of a life she would never live.

He removed his hand, "That's true. But it doesn't change what I feel. Your life, our lives, are shitty. You have a right to feel depressed about it. And I care about you, Annie. I just can't seem to…" his words ran short, and he paused to look out into the pouring rain, "get there."

_I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you._

"Well, I'm standing right here," she countered, as lightning flashed across the grey-blue sky up above, "What's stopping you?"

He untangled his fingers from hers, and strode to the window. Peering into the darkening scene, the words were whispered like a prayer into the darkness, "Everything", as a bolt of white ripped through the sky and struck the hospital.

The power went out. The room went black. And his lips found hers in the darkness.

_And I will swallow my pride. You're the one that I love. And I'm saying goodbye._

It was warm, chaste, and felt of love through the pain, love despite the complications of normal, waking life. Love of the kind that Annie never knew existed. Never knew Jeff had harbored inside himself, just for her.

And then he was gone. And the room became cold. And she knew, without knowing how she knew it, that she would never be kissed like that again. That he, craving the anonymity under cover of darkness, would never kiss her that way in the sunlight.

_Say something I'm giving up on you._

She fell asleep, with the taste of him on her tongue, and a lingering word stuck at the back of her throat.

"Why?"


End file.
